You’re Beautiful.

No matter how much older we get and how many changes come in and out of our lives I will always see you as golden waves
Surrounding me with morning kisses – no matter my mood, always done with a spirit of joy for the coming day
Midnight embraces, trying to absorb the pain brought to me by some imaginary threat or the much more real ones of heartbreak
Ringlets that I always despised and wanted to be
Telling me who half of me already was and who I might also never be able to live up to
This perfect bounciness that defined you and made us a we
Your mini-me I was told, over and over again. But I didn’t see one drop of resemblance past that, as I quickly learned how we handled things so differently.
You would want to hug it out and smile through the tears, while all I could possibly muster was one last word to cut through any steps forward that we had gained
To be right and solid and have the upper hand was always my wall of choice.
And over and over again I watched you smash it down, whether it took you an hour, a day, or even years at some times.
Your voice has always been a constant for me, and even the sound I know it makes when it’s breaking – for yourself, somebody you love, or even because of me and once again the problem I was making.
The only thing I’ve ever felt worse than my heart breaking is how I feel when I break yours, a little bit at a time I can see those beautiful kind eyes playing out the scene inside – and me taking shots at your soft parts.
The parts that make you who you are, the parts that make you everything I wish I could be. The parts that I have learned to love and come to admire as I have gotten older and seen their brevity.
When you say “I love you” that’s literally all it means.
For you, those three words have absolutely no covering.
They are what they are and will always be, because every time you say that you give away a little bit of yourself
You do it gladly and wholly, and you even give your best parts
I still don’t understand how somehow you are left with a unceasingly breathtaking heart.
In it I can see the good and the bad, the hurt and the triumphs, you leave nothing to be dug up. And this takes courage.
Because although it takes time for people like me to see, softness is the key to being free.
With softness comes letting go of judgement,
And as expectations slip through fingers so do fear, regret, and hatred .
All these things, I learned from you. Even though some of these lessons weren’t even spoken until after I learned them, hearing them from your mouth has not only astounded me but reminded me of the golden waves
The way I will always see you no matter what
Shining so gorgeously
With a comfort and embrace all of it’s own
Somehow fluid and strong all at once – crashing into my life
Never to finish
Never to stand back
Full force ahead, with open arms and heart; I call that my home.


Talk to me.

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