Too many times in my life have I blamed my current state of being on those around me. True, they did cause it. And yes, they most likely have hurt me in a way that does not feel good. But what is the most important part of any situation? It’s that how I decide to react to it, and what I do with what is thrown at me that matters. Your own emotional intelligence and ability to cope or react properly is really based on the understanding that you literally cannot change what has been done to you. You can only take it from there.
And what am I learning to do with these unwanted situations? Actually the exact opposite of what I have done my whole life. No longer shall I sit there screaming in my head (or even out loud) at the one who wronged me. No longer will I try to run away from the fear of knowing the feelings that being wronged evokes. It’s about time that I take full ownership of my reactions and feelings.
“No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear…the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away. “ – Pema Chodron
Because the fact of the matter is, once you take your frustrations out on the person that caused them, or you try to brush the feeling away and gloss over it as quickly as you can before being damaged, you are actually causing much more hurt in the long run. Those feelings will come up eventually, that person cannot take back what they did or may never change. Acknowledging those feelings of pain, working with them, and then letting them go and moving on in your own time is the best possible way to “fix” something.
“If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…” – Pema Chodron
After all, how can something be fixed without knowing what needs fixing?